Music and Gay Things

autumn-and-gomorrah:

If you call me “a transgender”
You will be “a murder victim”

(Source: autumn-and-eve, via consulting-pervert)

oncecolourful: I think however you reacted is justified, I was just wondering what specifically had set you off, I have no personal attachment to the post I was just reading and felt I wasn't doing things much differently aside from the gym and voice, but I sound fake when I use a lower voice. I would like to pass which is why I was looking up tips on passing, and did feel that the post had relied heavily on the obvious and stereotyping, I didn't take anything away from it, but also didn't feel personally attacked either. You seemed pretty heated, so I was wondering what enlightenment you had to give. I was asking in general not for myself specifically.

I think what set me off at the time was the implication that you needed to get muscles and broaden your shoulders to “REALLY pass”, even after T. This isn’t exactly false, but it is still a broad generalization. There are plenty of cis-men who have narrow frames and aren’t ridiculously toned. I myself am 5’ tall, and quite husky, with narrow shoulders. I pass probably because my weight can offset whatever my binder can’t hide.

I don’t want to sound like an arrogant asshole. I understand that I am very fortunate to pass Pre-T (as a prepubescent boy, mind you), and that it’s not easy for many guys. I just want them to know that there’s no one defining male stereotype that will bring them over the ‘passing’ line.

Confidence is a huge factor. The more you come into your male self, the more able you are to present what you feel internally. And that applies regardless of what type of guy you are.

I also took issue with the remarks on Topless Tuesday. I think telling guys not to show off their [non-operative] chests is a very narrow outlook that excludes guys who don’t want to have top surgery. That portion of the post screamed to me “THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO BE A MAN AND MEN DON’T HAVE BOOBS”. Guys who want to be read/addressed as male on Tumblr should have to do no more than request it, regardless of their current physical makeup. 

oncecolourful: I was on the man101 trying to think of tips to help me pass.
Was wondering, you wrote HATE HATE HATE how would you recommend someone try to appear more masculine?

I’d like to first say that I probably overreacted a bit to the post, at least in the curt, explosive language that I used. I’m sympathetic to all of us transpeople who feel the need to pass. I know how important is is, personally.

That being said, the tips listed in that post perpetuate the rigidity of the male gender role, and I think that it disenfranchises a lot of transguys who don’t want to present as hyper-masculine. It suggests to me that the only way you’ll be accepted as male is if you’re a super buff man’s man.

For people who want to pass, I understand that these tips can be helpful. But I’ve encountered plenty of guys who want to pass without going to the extremes of stereotypical masculinity, and for them I think the post reinforces to them that their ideas of being male are less acceptable.

If you are actually asking me for tips on passing (I can’t quite parse the tone of the question), let me know and I’ll try to pull together some more middle-of-the-road suggestions.

Saltwater is fine from my experience.

Chlorine can probably be abrasive over time, but I still do it and my binders work well enough still.

No more trouble than usual getting them off.

geschlechtsumwandlungstrieb:

swimming with a binder on

chlorine or no?

salt water or no?

hell to take off?

gimme feedback yo

(Source: consulting-pervert)

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be a personal attack on the character you will come to know as “B”. I will reiterate this at the end of the essay, but thought it should be highlighted first as well.

The following events occurred two days ago, on 07/23/2011.

I’m going to start writing this post without total awareness of what its thesis is/will be. But I feel the need to get this out. 

I’ve recently found myself on a dating site, that while I wouldn’t consider it “queer-friendly”, allows me to be honest about my trans status without the threat of getting kicked off. [Side note: I have indeed been kicked off of a certain dating site because apparently being a transmale and selecting ”male” as my gender is a misrepresentation of information. But that’s another rant.] For the sake of clarity, I will say that I am panromantic, and therefore attracted to people regardless of gender. 

Anyhow, I figured I might be able to find at least a couple of people to talk to who were not total transphobes. I didn’t feel especially confident, but was reassured by the fact that an FTM friend of mine had actually landed a couple of dates using the same website. 

Now I’m no fool; I knew I’d get my share of ignorant people, transphobes, and general assholes. I suppose what I didn’t expect was the quantity of people who found it acceptable to behave so disgustingly once they understood (read: I had explained) what it means to be a preoperative transguy. I’ve been trying to keep a thick skin, but that in itself is difficult.

Meanwhile, I’ve been casually messaging with a guy on the same website. It hasn’t been anything romantic and I hadn’t expected it to from the get-go; it was just nice to talk to a fellow queer person (a gay cismale) on the e-dating scene. After another especially rude Instant Messaging encounter today, I felt the need to tell my acquaintance-let’s call him “B”-what had happened. He’d seemed somewhat sympathetic to my situation in the past so I had few qualms. 

I recounted to him this particular event, in which a guy who seemed interested in me asked me to explain what a transguy is. After giving my stock rudimentary rundown, he jumped immediately to asking in detail about my preferred sexual activities and physical “attributes”. Had that not been rude enough, he left suddenly amid my attempt to explain to him my current status, without disclosing any of the crap he felt entitled to inquire about. 

I concluded this message to B with my astonishment that this guy had left suddenly. B responded curtly with the following: “They do that sometimes. But I think they just want someone who was born a guy and has a penis.”

Really? I hadn’t thought of that! That totally excuses his behavior!

Irritated, I wrote back. I will not disclose the rest of this conversation for the sake of his privacy. But here is the gist:

I convey my understanding of what conventionally defines manhood (i.e. genitalia), and say that I understand that many people do not want to date “my kind” of guy. I then say that it does not give IM Guy permission to behave like a jackass.

B essentially defends the guy by saying that exiting our conversation abruptly is an acceptable way of saying “I don’t want to date you and am too much of an ass to say so.”

I reiterate my argument that nothing I could be or could have done warrants being treated as sub-human, and B says that I wasn’t treated badly. I was only forcefully ignored, which is apparently not the same thing.

Essentially B is telling me that I should just expect that no one will want to date me, and that because of my “special circumstances”, an acceptable way of sending me this message is first being completely intrusive and then leaving without warning. Because I am a transguy, it is OK to be an asshole to me, and I should just accept it.

Well readers, I am finally coming to my thesis. Transphobia, and any kind of bigotry, is not only the outspoken use of slurs, abuse and general douchebaggery. It is also, and possibly more dangerously, subtle and subversive, brewing just below the surface of conversation and thought. It is the type of silent hinting that suggests that while we are quietly and not-so-quietly oppressed, we should just brush it off or lie down and take it. Because really, we are not the same. We are less-than, and do not require the type of decency others expect. 

This is the ugly appearance of cis privilege and cissexism. It is the implication that this stranger’s behavior, while impolite, is not the abhorrence I make it out to be. And it is the implication that I am the one who has overreacted. As history has taught as, when the minority attempts to rise up, we are not courageous; we are a threat to the status quo. 

B is a good guy and this rant/essay is not an attack on his character. It is an example of how the current popular mindset needs to be altered, and how it is largely reluctant to do so, even on an individual scale.

As for the IM Stranger, well, he *is* an asshole.